When I was 13, it was clear that I was attracted to the boys and not the girls. However, there was this one girl that I felt so connected to. It was so deep but didn’t really seem sexual–not like the feelings I had for my buddies. Maybe it could be, though. I couldn’t be gay. The only examples of “gay” were Richard Simmons and Liberace. I wasn’t either. I wanted children. In the 70’s gay men didn’t have children. I hid my sexual feelings, secretly wanting someone just to ask, “are you gay.” They never did– until I was 31, married, and had 2 children, was a successful architect/construction manager, active in church. I had the white picket fence I always wanted. What a weight lifted from my shoulder by that one question, though, and at the same time my life crumbled around me. I spent the next 15 years figuring out how to wade through that reality and what it meant to my life. With 16 years of marriage and some difficult years with feelings of betrayal and bitterness, we divorced. Once separated, it didn’t take long for us to heal and enjoy once again raising our children and enjoying the love we have for each other. Today, I am a certified life coach reaching out to other teens wading through sexual identification and with men who are hit by their sexual reality daily and can’t quite see through the clutter.
My sexuality has become the blessing intended.