Welcome

Gay Dad Support Net

This site is here to support English speaking men from all parts of the globeIMG_9820_1

To benefit you will need to be or have been in a heterosexual relationship with a woman and to have children with her. You don’t have to identify as gay, you could be bisexual or just plain confused about your sexuality, just knowing it isn’t heterosexual

This is not about what is ‘normal’ but rather what it is to be you. Normal is a word we learn to accept doesn’t apply to everyone and for those it doesn’t work for, that doesn’t mean they are abnormal just different.

Stereotypes are not helpful, the rules religion or society places on us are based on those stereotypes and many of us find ourselves in this situation because we tried to live someone else’s ideal of what we should be.

I cannot promise you will discover any scenario which perfectly matches your own or that, if you did the solutions reached by that person will help you at all. What I will say is, look through the site and see how you feel afterwards. If you don’t find a connection then write me personally, I’ve over 20 years experience on the subject so I might be able to point you in the right direction.

Feel free to look through the site as often as you like and, if you feel you would like to talk to other men who may have experienced some or all of what you are experiencing.

All media requests need to understand that I will not contribute to anything for free any longer. I am sad to say I had too many take advantage. I would expect all expenses and a reasonable fee subject to negotiation.

To all individuals who need my support, I have always been and shall always be providing that for free.

Peter

I was first conscious of being attracted to boys when I was in school. But I was in an all-boys boarding school, so that was normal, right? That didn’t mean that I was gay. My parents were the product of their generation and were quite happy to speak in front of us of poofs and bum-boys, so I knew that it could not be a good thing and that it was certainly not normal.

When I left school, I shared my room-mate’s bed a few times, but he wasn’t gay, he had a girl-friend, so the fact that I was attracted to him didn’t mean anything, did it? It was just because I did not get to experience girls while I was in school.

As time went by, I realized that my attraction to men would pass if only I had a steady girlfriend, if only we were married, if only we had children, if only…

But it didn’t pass, I never “grew out of that phase”. I was abstinent for long periods. We joined a Church in the US where I was taught to pray, to fast and was even exorcised. But I continued to be more attracted to men than to women.

Finally, at the age of 53, I told my wife, I told my children. I expected the worst and was ready for it; I expected to be banned, for my world to crumble around me. But that did not happen. We decided to work through it together.

I love my wife. She is my best friend. After over 30 years of marriage, I don’t know what I would do without her. I have chosen celibacy over losing her and have kept that promise now for nearly nine years. It is not always easy, but it is a choice┬áI have made. The reason we sleep in separate bedrooms on a regular basis, is because of my snoring, not because of my sexuality.

When I first came out, I was desperate. I could not find any support or guidance. There was plenty for fifteen-year olds coming out, but nothing for the over-fifties, married with children. What was there kept on telling me to give up, get divorced, find a man, there is no hope. Gay Dads offered me options, I started volunteering at a local LGBT charity to feel that I was doing something. I organized some events which brought together LGBT charities and support groups, politicians and the local people who were interested in these things. I explained that activity as “using my gay energy” for something else than finding a boyfriend. It helped. Thank you Ste, and all the others who were there for me at the time, who supported, listened, encouraged me. Thank you to all those out there who gave me hope, and I remain available to support anyone who feels the need.